The quickies I post off and I am going to try to start accompanying with a new little segment, we'll see how it goes.
Quickies
My new goal in life is to someday put together a set of financial statements, completely balanced, without having to ask for help.
I left a drawer in my desk open and someone dropped by to chat. They pointed out it might not be the best idea to keep my hand lotion and extra paper towels I took from the restroom in the same drawer. (the lotion is for my hands and the paper towels for lunch, sickos.)
They upped our hours to 60 this week cause the firm is 14 returns behind this point last year... and yet when my fieldwork gets canceled and three full days of my schedule become completely clear, no one seems to have any work for me to do.
Excessive Email Subject Lines
"Update from yesterday's meeting regarding tax season hours expectations"
"Please let me know by noon today if you want to be included in the pizza count. Thank you."
"can you break $20? thank you!" followed later by "Thank you! Do not need the break anymore."
Secret code
25 02 09 - 21:53. Category:
Did you know accountants have a secret code? We do! Here's the alphabet:
A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, AA, BB, CC, DD, EE, FF, GG, HH, II, JJ, KK, LL, MM, NN, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57
And within that alphabet, the code gets broken down further:
C, C-1, C-1/1, C-1/1-1
It's all very exciting. And in case you were wondering, C-1/1-1 would be the second page (I know) of a substantiating document supporting the first accounts receivable account. Fun stuff huh?
I got my federal return... I thinks I need a present! Why be practical and pay down some loans or save some money when I could get a new camera? Or a new mp3 player? Or a new couch?
Surprise! Work!
23 02 09 - 20:47. Category:
I was lazy as all hell this weekend.
During tax season we have a 55 hour week requirement, including a mandatory five hours on Saturdays. Each person gets two Saturdays off between mid-Jan and April 15. And then we all get April 16 off (it's a holiday around here). Last Saturday was my first, and it was awesome.
I got to spend two, again TWO!, whole days being lazy and just enjoying myself. What did I do with this extra day? I got my druid to level 80 so I could spec him resto and start raiding with him. Go me.
You know that nagging suspicion that something is wrong that crops up every now and then? I had that as well. Having two days off was just foreign. I was constantly checking the date to make sure I wasn't off and going to miss work. I'm already conditioned...
And today, they kick off a Monday with an email that this week's requirement has been bumped up to 60 hours, making that the requirement for the next three weeks. It's either work 11 hours a day plus Saturdays or tack on Sundays as well. I'll be coming in Sundays, and working more hours on Saturdays. I don't mind the extra hours, or really coming in on Sunday for a few.
That combined with suffering people's comments implying my unwillingness to work beyond the minimum requirement and chastising me for leaving early (I get there earlier than most everyone) has led for a fairly irritable Monday.
I did find out that the company pays for you to buy yourself dinner if you work more than 10 hours in a day, which is pretty cool. Although it would just urge me to pick up fast food on the way home all the time. They like to distract us with food a lot. I'll be a fatty soon enough.
The root cause, pt. 2
17 02 09 - 22:02. Category:
Have you ever thought to yourself "this is what will eventually drive me crazy"? I do, and somewhat frequently. It's kind of like the "something will kill me, might as well be X" statement, only a little better.
They're the moments of mundane suffering that you can do nothing about and that repeat themselves to the point that your brain wants to fold in on itself and die. I'm going to go batty someday, the cause is still up for vote. I've decided to keep a list, and here are the two latest installments:
People who try to make a left turn, at rush hour, against traffic, in a downtown grid system. I've sat through an entire light cycle waiting for some guy to make his left turn. HINT: Go around the block! Three rights make a much faster left!
People using the subject line as an email for the entire content of said email. Some things like "lunch is here" are alright, but full on sentences are not. Subjects give a quick idea what the email is, that's it. I want to decide whether to read it, not try and decipher a message in a cut-off subject line.
"Do you have a little calculator that I can borrow for tomorrow field work? Thanks," is neither an email subject OR a grammatically correct sentence. "Do you have gen/workpaper files for Company, Inc? Thank," is also incorrect, along with "Have you done final 1120s recently? thank you!" The last is the closest to correct, but the person never bothered to explain why they were asking.
Is the 10 hours a day in my cubicle starting to get to me? Maybe.
Haikus
15 02 09 - 18:54. Category:
I may have posted these before, but I can't really remember. At my last job they would use me to cover the reception desk. One Friday I got exceptionally bored:
Friday goes so slow.
The pain is agonizing.
I want to die now.
The phone sometimes rings,
And I have something to do.
But this is short lived.
The radio skwaks,
Spitting out songs on repeat.
It should die now too.
Bored and lonely now,
I look to my cell in vain,
It will bring no joy.
I gaze and think,
How it flows so smooth and clean.
It shall be stolen.
Good afternoon sir,
How may I direct your call?
Un momento bitte.
Two and a half hours.
I must suffer through it all,
Before I am free.
It is hot outside.
Air conditioning is good.
Cold air is my friend.
can I speak with Scott?
He is out of the office.
Would you like voice mail?
Blue pen, red pen click.
Black pen clicks repeatedly.
Bored in chair I sit.
Killed much time I have,
Faking like I am busy.
When I just waste time.
I garnish some joy,
From this simple act of pen.
It makes my mind work.
Thank you for calling.
You have saved my mind,
From death beyond flesh.
I play with thingies,
clicky pens, markers, and tape.
I am entertained.
A nice mountain dew,
with some Mike and Ikes candy,
Perks the afternoon.
As I sit and work,
In the back of my large head,
I think up haikus.
I try to balance,
But I am short by two cents.
Oh so woe is me.
Happy Day!
14 02 09 - 10:50. Category:
Better than V-Day, happy sesquincentennial Oregon!
12 of 12, February
13 02 09 - 00:55. Category:
12 of 12 is a project wherein bloggers take twelves photos of their day on the 12th of every month, the idea originated with Chad Darnell. I forgot about February, glad to be back in it! It's challenging taking 12 pictures of your day, when 10 hours is spent at work, effectively in a cubicle most of the time. But I think this turned out decent:
05:19:44 - Good morning. Guess my clock is a little fast.
05:56:03 - Getting ready.
06:02:33 - My nemesis. It's a good razor, I just really am not a fan of shaving.
06:31:06 - Surprisingly the freeway is the fastest way in in the mornings, just the onwrap (picture) is slow. What's sad is I think this is because I get to work before rush hour.
08:50:25 - This is my old Trimet pass mobile hanging from the underside of my cabinet.
12:06:43 - I start hitting the calculator hard. It and I have been through a lot together already.
12:54:40 - My afternoon pick-me-up.
04:23:44 - My tax-season daily ritual: getting my parking validated.
05:22:57 - Looking at my productivity for the week thus far.
08:41:13 - Riding the MAX back to the parking garage after Thursday night out with coworkers. I'm a bike right?
09:10:38 - Putting a little light on an earlier situation. Finally home.
09:14:24 - The night ends like any other, me at my messy desk.
Cupid
12 02 09 - 11:03. Category:
Basically, I love this commercial.
While yes, H&R Block is kind of the ugly redheaded step child of tax accounting they are still probably a decent service. But if you need help with your taxes find a local independent CPA and take your business to him or her.
Have I ever mentioned I somewhat-real dream of mine is to work for the IRS some day?
Pre-Algebra > Me
11 02 09 - 18:34. Category:
I'm working on an audit for a client that's a little funky. We're only auditing their April through December 2008 financials, not the entire year (the reason why is very convoluted). In order to get the right beginning values for their trial balance, I have to start with their full year end balances and then subtract the balance from January through March. Not that hard?
So here I am, working in Excel when I get stuck. I'm looking at their revenue account, which has a credit (neg) balance* for Jan-March and year end (YE). In my head: "Wait... this won't work... If I subtract the Jan-March balance from the YE it'll just get more negative!"
Example: (100) - (100) = (200) in my head.
So I'm staring at my Excel file trying to figure out how to create one formula that will subtract the positive YE from the positive Jan-March to give me the difference AND add the negative Jan-March to the negative YE to give me the proper difference there. Impossible, and I did not want to fill in each formula of this several-hundred account long trial balance one at a time.
Math is hard.**
*Revenue accounts are always negative balances and expense accounts are positive balances, go figure.
**Accountants deal with rules, not with math. The most intense I have to do is division and annuity tables.
"Don't Divorce Us"
07 02 09 - 21:32. Category:
While the point behind this is really sad, I can't help but get a little thrill that I get to at least have a moment like these people, legality aside.
Monday I left the office with a balance sheet off by $3,042. I had no idea where it could be. On Tuesday I came to work and found it before 8:30. My little red pencil is my weapon, and I am the hunter of numbers. This is why I love my job.
I don't know if I should blame the new shoes or Wii Fit yoga, but it is a rather unnearving experience driving when your gas/break leg has gone completely dead.
Only in my line of work can I get a nasty papercut on my thumb on Tuesday, only to come back to work and slice my thumb in the exact same spot the next day.
CRAPS: When you accidently respond to an instant message in all caps, forgetting that your capslock was on for data entry.
The little things
04 02 09 - 23:45. Category:
This is my Provided By Client stamp. It is my very own, and I am very happy to have it.
Basically every single "workpaper" that we receive from a client to substantiate their claims receives this stamp, to differentiate them from workpapers we generate ourselves. For each job there are many pages (because we are slowly adapting to paperless... don't get me started). Just under filling out forms, I love stamping crap. Especially repetitively stamping crap.
I would volunteer to stamp the stacks of AR checks at my last job. I spent years as a child doing crafts and stamping especially w/ my mom.
Repetitive motion folks, it's where the mind sooth is at.
Sorry for the crappy picture, wanted to post this tonight and only had my camera phone.
Work is here!
01 02 09 - 23:58. Category:
First, a note I found stuck to the parking garage floor Monday morning. Hopefully they still remembered.
So the work is finally in. I have five projects sitting on my desk and one more on the way. I love it. My predictive schedule for each week no longer list hours upon hours of unassigned time, for this upcoming week I had zero!
Here's a shot of my cube. Those stacks up top are all the jobs assigned. Yes, there is an extensive office color coding system for all those "buckets." And yes, they are situated left to right in work priority order. It's really damn convenient. The whole hole in the system is spread out on my desk, my current project for the day.
Have you ever thought to yourself "this is what will eventually drive me crazy"? I do, and somewhat frequently. It's kind of like the "something will kill me, might as well be X" statement, only a little better. 
This is my Provided By Client stamp. It is my very own, and I am very happy to have it. 
